CONSERVING OUR OWN ENERGY

    Conserving energy is a timely subject for me on this particular evening.  It's Friday - the end of a two week run of an over booked Day Timer and now I am planning the next week with the 'less is more' mindset.  

     The temporary madness started 4 days before the Oscars (just a little over two weeks ago).  I was preparing for an Oscar Party of 6 friends.   To most, that number of guests doesn't make a party but to someone with a brain injury that is a 'huge' party!  In the last 9 years I have learned well to pace myself by following a schedule a week before the event of making a prop or one food item each day.  The food is frozen until the day of and by Saturday - the night before the Oscars - I was quite proud of myself.  Everything was ready to go for my party, the props were up and all I had to do next day was heat up the food and serve it.

     Sunday morning I was feeling a tad weary from the steady preparations but naively, I felt I had made it.  I could have a crash tomorrow and spend the day lying down, but it would be accomplished and I would be proud of success.  I took the 2 loaves of bread out to thaw for the dips to be baked later on.  I put together my one star offering - Gateau Basque - a decadent french pastry.  I had prepared the pastry and refridgerated it a couple days before and I had made the pastry cream and chilled it as well.  I had even marinated the black cherries and simply had to assemble and then bake it.  So far, so good.
     All of the cheese, crudites and sliced meats were cut and just had to be arranged on the serving plate, covered and chilled.  I had made lasagna rolls, laid them out in the baking pan and frozen them a week ahead.  Now I removed them from the freezer to thaw and I had sliced fresh mushrooms and cubed mozzarella in preparation to top each one before going under the broiler just before dinner was served.
     Finally I put the precooked and marinated chicken wings in the oven to bake slowly over the next couple of hours.  And oh yes!  The quinoa salad had to be put together. 
     Time to rest.
     It was 2:00 when I put my feet up in the recliner.  I made myself recline for one full hour but my brain kept on racing around in circles.  I did not feel rested when I got into the shower but I had to move on.  I dried my hair and styled my hair.  Back in the kitchen, I checked the wings and they looked like they needed a few more minutes so I moved on to another task.  I was sitting down much more frequently now as my mind started to turn to a thickening, gelatinous state.
     My guests were expected just after 6:00 and it was already 4:30.  I started to rearrange the loveseat and the arm chairs so that they faced the television for viewing the Oscars.  I took wine glasses out for the guest and started to bring out silverware and serving utensils.  I suddenly smelled something burning... I took the lid off the pan of wings to discover little blackened morsels of dryness.  So I had to order wings from a pizza outlet. 
     I was still in my housecoat when the doorbell rang.  It couldn't be guests yet - it was only 5:30 - so I opened the door expecting the delivery of my chicken wings.  But there were 3 of my guests and of course, disheveled in appearance, I panicked.  They were close friends and I wasted no time thanking God that they appeared early.  Bonnie grabbed a broom to sweep the kitchen, vacuumed and helped me set up the buffet table with cloths, stacks of china, napkins and silver. 

    The pizza guy showed up with the wings and I set to work keeping the food warm and making the final preparations.  Bonnie ordered me to go and get dressed before the rest arrived over the next hour.  I did.  She got everything else ready and I sat. As I sat there, questions of where this went or 'what would you like to do with this' were getting increasingly difficult.  I was starting to stare and tried to force my gray matter to function.
     When dinner was served my thinking had decreased to a sludgy, slow motion.  I didn't carry on conversation as that requires thought processing (which was coming to a stand still).  I was now relying entirely on Bonnie to carry the rest of my little gathering.   At 8:00 we retired to the front room and turned the TV on where the Red Carpet activities were underway.
     In the recliner again, muscles started pulling every which way.  The ability to chat socially disappeared and my neck muscles had become so tight that I could not look down.  At 9:00, I knew I absolutely had to go and lie down in my darkened room.  The awards were being given out now but to who and for what, I had no idea.  I dreaded telling my friends that their hostess was abandoning them but I had little choice.  They were understanding.  I retreated to the soothing darkness.  I couldn't shut off my brain and did get up for the last hour of the awards.  I also saw my guests off and sitting there in a silent room, I felt what I can only describe as disappointment and the feeling of having let my guests down.     
    I slept all that night and into the next afternoon.  It was Wednesday before I was able to take down the decorations and clean up.  I went through my date book and had to cancel many of the appointments I had scheduled in order to try to rest up for another big occasion on Saturday.  That event was an annual gala that was to be put on by the Brain Injury Association of London.   The Oscar party and the Gala were like parentheses on a week blurred by the fog of an over stimulated brain.
     I am now awakening from an exhausting, drawn out dream.  The few friends I keep close are very important to me and I am still struggling with the ability to entertain.   I have never been one to be interested in going out for expensive meals or listening to loud music in bars but rather I liked to host murder mystery dinners or small gatherings.  As a single parent, my social life had to be affordable and usually included my daughters. 

     It had worked so well before. It's not working so well now. 

     What am I prepared to give up now for my brain injury? 

     And what can I keep?